Letter to my sister
Wendy parked her car outside the hairdressers last week and then decided to move it three minutes later (as you do!). She moved to other side of road and promptly got a parking ticket of £30. Why? Apparently she “returned” within 60 minutes. Give us a break!
I was “flashed” by a speed camera the other day in Manchester. I had come off the motorway, turned onto a 6 lane dual carriageway and “pop” some lights flash at me. I was doing a steady 39 mph. Why did I get flashed I ask? No signs to tell me the speed – and no speed camera signs either. I’m good at seeing these signs. In fact, I don’t speed these days. I’m nearly bloody 50 years old so I drive extremely sedately. Fuck me, I’m going to be a narrowboat owner, I’m not in a rush! Anyway, it transpires that the admin department of Manchester Greater Police know a hell of a lot. They tell me that it’s a 30mph zone because according to the highway code, if there are no street-signs, one must assume 30mph in a built up area! Can you believe this? One, it’s not built up and 2 it’s on a bloody great big road on a Sunday that connects to a fucking great big motorway! Give me another break you arseholes.
Actually, talking of Greater Manchester Police. I dropped a letter into the post yesterday to them, addresses to their leader, moments before I heard that the great Chief Constable of Greater Manchester Police had just committed suicide by jumping off a cliff in Wales. Why bloody Wales?? Apparently the News Of The World were about to do a story about his private drug habit or jobby-jabbing past. He couldn’t cope and jumped. No point in telling him to get a life, eh? Poor bastard. Wales too.
Anyway, I’ve been recently sending letters to appeals departments with no bloody success yet. I will though. I wish I could go an punch someone’s lights out to make me feel better. The problem is, white middle-class people in the UK don’t have a voice anymore. You need to be Black, Asian, Polish, Czech, bloody anything. Even Welsh or Scottish will do. Bugger me, I am Scottish! Well I live in England. Big problem. Anyway, I’m white. Yes sir. I’m are a bloody great big tax target and no fucker cares about me. I’d make a really good new-age traveller I think.
We had the budget today. Some fancy twat in a thousand dollar suit stands up and declares how he’s going to ransack the country for the next 6 months. Mr Darling. Reminds me of a Black Adder sketch. Anyway, thank bollocks I don’t smoke but I do drink – but not petrol which is a shame because he’s delaying the extra 2p tax on fuel for 6 months; 68% of my fuel bill is tax. How can he justify this? Oh yes, because we have millions of people sitting at home watching daytime TV. All those lovely benefits. Come on pay up you tight wanker. I’m a squillion Czech Korunas off the pace, eh?
Whilst I’m having a rant, I want to know why one in eight of the UK’s working population is currently sponging off the other seven people who are paying out good money to prop up the largest per-capita pension hole in the world, I can live with Fire, Police, Healthcare and Education officers. But since labour came to power, one in bloody eight people now work for the government in one way shape or form. Mad. Sack ‘em all and start again. I’ll bet half these spongers are sitting about filling their nails laughing all the way to the bank. Watch it chaps, this is your country too fella and when the UK can’t afford to pay your well earned inflation-linked, final salary pension, don’t go crying to me!
Happy birthday from your bloody crazy brother :)
Last year, I became inquisitive and managed to take apart one of my Andrew Grid Dishes. They’re rather well made so it takes some patience and some sharp Stanley blades - along with an excellent first aid box! I nearly cut my finger off. Not the first time. My original intention was to replace the feeder directly with heliax to trim down the losses but looking at how they assemble these in the factory, I needn’t have worried.